Interpersonal communication online dating
The answer is that mostly they have the dysfunctional mind, with the emotional baggage of fear, anxiety or other mental conflicts and past hurts in interpersonal situations.They fear experiencing invalidation from the target of attraction because they use superficial categories to define the self and others as well as to predict the effectiveness of their possible relationships, ignoring the affection messages from the real people who are attracted them.Online dating is a category-based, rather than an interaction-based process.In the category-based process, one uses some concepts to predict both possibilities of acceptance and rejection by the others. I make a distinction between online communications and online dating/matching.
To explain the problem, I need to first elucidate the ingredients for love and the meaningful interactions.
All categories are just the maps or substitutes of social reality, not the reality itself.
When people use categories to predict an interaction (but not pay attention to the other's real communications, they will produce two outcomes: a), avoiding love from right individuals, and, b) approaching the wrong person(s).
This is because the online dating/matching (as provided by the commercial websites) lacks the basic ingredients for developing real love.
The most evident problem involves its use of several categories (plus a few photos) for the daters to predict and decide the effectiveness and success of their further interactions with one another.